This is what simple looks like.

There are many things that we feel women simply just cannot grasp when it comes to men. Some women are insightful enough to realize and admit this fact, others however feel they have their man/men down to a science. The latter group are the ones that scare us. They are the group that cannot understand that men are all the same yet all unique. SAME YET UNIQUE?! Yes. We operate under the same ideals but we emphasize different points. We are simple,with that being said, that does NOT mean WE ARE SIMPLE MINDED.

I believe all men can agree that we need very little to make us happy, we just want it in abundance. Here is the universal list that I have compiled over the years:
SEX
FOOD
SLEEP
TIME WITH THE GUYS
SPORTS
SILENCE.
Please understand that this is in no particular order of importance. In fact, there are men who put sex before food (odd to say the least). In order to eliminate any ambiguity in the aforementioned list allow me to define the requests.


1. Sex...fornication of any kind, including but not limited to: vaginal, anal, oral, eye socket, ear hole etc.

If you love the gold wrapper, we'll love you for it.

2. Food...you cooking something up, or ordering? We appreciate your work in the kitchen more, that added effort does not go unnoticed.

3. Sleep...LET US SLEEP! Don't disturb our slumber, we want to SLEEP not CUDDLE. This is one of the moments in the day when we can really and truly relax, give us that. Is that so much to ask?

As a matter of fact, how about you go to sleep too? No?

4. Time with the guys...is just that, time with our dudes. Why do you always think that time with the guys translates into times with any other girl but you? Have you noticed that when you're going out with your girls we let you, no arguments, no headaches? Just go. All we ask for is two things: that you return in the same condition you left...unfucked and with a doggy bag if you went out to eat. [Refer to #2. See how quickly you forget?]

5. Sports...as men, we have to keep abreast of whats going on in the NFL, NBA, MLB, FIFA, MLS, NHL, NASCAR, and Ultimate Frisbee (lol). If we do not know who won last night's game, we are looked at as lesser men by our peers, LET US BE MEN.

At this point, we don't even care if you don't watch sports. We completely overlook the fact that you don't know the facts. Just don't interrupt the Saints game and ask us "where's Reggie? he's cute! "he's GODS gift"!...IF HE IS, THEN WHAT AM I? We don't want to hear you squawking about how "cute his ass is."

6. Silence...doesn't mean we don't want to hear you. It just means that I want to use my phone to check Twitter and answer some text messages without you giving me the evil eye. Someone once said, "If you're mad about me being on my phone, then why don't you put yourself in my hands then?" [Sounds like a reference to #1, that requires little to no talking, unless that's what you like]. What we're trying to say is, a little quiet time never hurt anybody ladies, it's good for the relationship.

If you knew better you would do better. Don't wear uggs in shoe weather.