As ignorant as it gets

We realize that this post runs the risk of being a rant, but so what!

We once heard

BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER,

we are convinced that some of you are blind.

First topic: HAIR
So, some of you think that because it's winter you don't need to shave your legs, armpits, and lady parts. Filthy! Who do you think you are? Why do you find it acceptable for you to compete with the hair on my legs? WE DONT WANT TO FEEL YOUR STUBBLE! No matter what Mr. Nice Guy says he finds all of that hair under your pits disgusting. We understand that the upkeep is tiring, but it is a MUST. Remember in elementary school when someone wrote on the chalkboard and it made that horrible screech and you felt it in your bones? That's the feeling your hairy body gives us. You make our skin crawl, and we hate you.

You want us to be well groomed, no? Well doesn't it start with the man in the mirror? (We use "Man In the Mirror" because your lackluster maintenance brings you closer to manliness every day). We do not want to look at you and notice the hair on your legs, ARMPIT and for some...YOUR FACIAL HAIR (the mustache has to go). Now we are not saying it is your fault for being hairy...it's genetics, we get it. However, it is your fault why it has not been shaved.

You disgust me hairy lady.

Next topic: WEIGHT

This may be a sensitive subject but you need to hear this. We do not care how much he loves you, that does not mean you are allowed to get fat now because you HAVE A MAN!!!! Do not get too comfortable. He fell for you when you were 130lbs! He will not find you that sexy when you reach 180 and more and you are only 5'4? Stop acting like you are allergic to that treadmill. The sweat in your side fat is gross. (insert Darth Vader breathing)

Skinny Jeans?

Next topic: "I MISS YOU"

Text Message Convo.....

Girl: Hey baby.
Guy: Wassup luv.
Girl: Nothin I was just thinkin about you and us.
Guy: Really? What about us?
Girl: How great we are together :) I miss you sooooo much baby.
Guy: Awwww. That's so cute.
Girl: ?????? so you're not gonna say it back?

WHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!?!? Why when you miss us we gotta miss you back? That's stupid. Don't expect the feelings of you and your man to be synchronized ladies. Don't force the issue. The problem here is you say something and expect a certain response. All your doing is setting up an argument.

Quick blurbs (we'll get back to this in other posts.)

1. Do not use my tooth brush THAT VERY NASTY, it is MY tooth brush not ours.
2. Do not kiss me in the morning. It's disrespectful. We do not care how sexy you are your breath still stinks. You want sex you turn around no face to face contact.
3. If your toes are disgusting do not wear anything open toes. You know what...go to Walmart and just buy new toes, they have everything in there.
   

Now we know this post maybe a little harsher and intense than some of our previous ones. Sometimes there is no nice way to say things. This is the only way to get the message across. CUT THE SHIT OUT!!!!

IF YOU KNEW BETTER YOU WOULD DO BETTER. DON'T WEAR UGGZ IN SHOE WEATHER!

Valentine's Day Massacre

WARNING: THIS POST DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL.

The New Year is far gone and we have all made our resolutions about changing our diet and stopping some questionable behaviors from 2010. These same "resolutions" are going to be forgotten just like the person who got 3rd place in any sporting event. Sadly, we missed the opportunity to rant previously so we would like to touch on the next great holiday; VALENTINES DAY.

This day is more of an event, a day to show your lady that you love, care and appreciate all that she has done for you. Valentine’s Day has been designed as a day for us MEN to tell the women in our lives that WE (men) THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE.

Let's get the formalities out of the way.

We (men) thank you (ladies) for dealing with our stubborn ways.
We (men) thank you (ladies) for dealing with us when we are insensitive to your needs.
We (men) thank you (ladies) for catering to us first while putting your needs last.
We (men) thank you (ladies) for always being there for us in every sense of the word.

Blah, blah, blah!

What's wrong with this picture? Why does Valentine’s Day equate to MEN having to thank women? Ladies, don't get your panties in a bunch. Just shut up and read.

“With all I do for him I deserve
this day, I deserve to be thanked"....

Then rolls eyes and neck simultaneously without getting injured. So we don't deserve to benefit from this day? Men do a lot too! You really think that you are the most pleasant bundle of hormones? Seriously?

WHY IS VALENTINES DAY DEDICATED TO FEMALES?

Far before February 14 we (men) have to plan and scheme of what to do, when to do it, how to do it and how long to do it for. You know what ladies are doing during all of this? WAITING! Ladies are waiting to see what HE will do for HER! We know some of you ladies put forth an effort towards your man on Valentine’s Day and once again, this post is not for you. However most of you are waiters!

Waiter- n: 1. a person who waits

He does all of this planning and you know what his gift in return is SEX (sex is great but be creative ladies). If we have been involved for some time...chances are we have been involved physically. So SEX is not a special gift! Valentine’s Day does not mean the sex will now become different and more magical. No, lingerie does not change it. Imagine...taking a pair of sneakers he already owns, placing it in a new sneaker box and giving it back to him. Does a new sneaker box make the sneakers different or better? NO! So what the hell do you think that lingerie does for your goodies? Lingerie does not make the fruit sweeter.

LADIES, WHAT IF YOU DID WEEKS OF PLANNING AND YOUR MAN JUST SHOWED UP WITH HIS DICK IN A BOX?

So ladies, this Valentine’s Day do not wait to see what your man is going to do for you. Do something for each other. Believe it or not, men like to brag to their friends too.

IF YOU KNEW BETTER YOU WOULD DO BETTER. DON'T WEAR UGGZ IN SHOE WEATHER.

LETS KEEP IT PERSONAL

Why do people display their ENTIRE relationship on social networks?

I mean, we get it. On Facebook, they give you the option to display your relationship status - single, in a relationship, in an open relationship, in a complicated relationship, blah blah blah. Some of you just can't resist trying to define, and publicize who you're sleeping with. Why? If you just leave it blank, does it take away from you being in a relationship in the first place? No.

Social sites are to relationships what rain is to a fresh perm - NO GOOD (this was for our female readers, but if you are a man with a perm then that's cool. There are too many activists out there so we'll leave u alone). To the men, social sites are like Katt Stacks...they will f*ck your life up. Your relationship is PERSONAL, so keep it PERSONAL.

This is not to say that you should hide your relationship. You should be proud of the person you're with, and what you share with them. However, there is a difference between discretion and secrets. You can acknowledge your significant other without overexposing them. Once you put your relationship into the atmosphere, it's open for scrutiny and criticism. Remember, not everyone is happy for you. Do you know how many people are on that FACEBOOK? Not to mention twitter, myspace, sconex, black planet, migente which are all better known as #reasonswhyrelationshipsdontlast! 70% of these people couldn't care any less about your romance. 20% are envious (in some way, shape, or form) of what you have with your partner, 8% are utterly disgusted with you and your beau, and only 2% are actually happy for you. SEND THAT MEAGER 2% A DAMN TEXT! We (the writers) are part of the 70% that wants that trash off our mini-feed and/or timeline.

Now we know that there are some readers who are asking, "where did they get their numbers from yada yada yada." Shut up, IT'S A BLOG! It's written from the point of view of two bachelors. We aren't citing sources. We are the source (but we digress).

You heard the quote, "Rome wasn't built in a day?" Then you must have heard this one...

"IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME."

What we're trying to say is this: do not expect to put your business out there without anybody having an opinion about it. Do not get angry when the entire world feels like they have the right to comment on your life. You gave it to them.

And to be honest, WE DO NOT CARE, well WE don't but some do!

The status box doesn't mean "input the status of your relationship here...if you miss him put it here...was the sex good? put it here"

We don't want to read:

1:00 pm HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

1:15 pm I AM DONE WITH HIM AND ALL YOU MEN.
1:30 pm TOGETHER FOREVER... 143

every 34 hours...

By all means, enjoy your relationship; but, keep it personal. If for no other reason, do it because when shit gets real rough between you two, it's only you two that can get through it.

IF YOU KNEW BETTER, YOU WOULD DO BETTER. DON'T WEAR UGGZ IN SHOE WEATHER.